Somebody said to me that those who survive from cancer are patients who either fight like hell or are in complete ignorant (they are not aware that they have cancer). Since there is no way for me to be in the second category, I have no choice but to fight like hell. And fight I will...
One thing for sure is that I am not alone in this battle. I have my family and friends who are also in this battle supplying ammunition whenever possible. My husband tirelessly goes all out to make sure that I don't give up. Why are people scared of cancer? Why is cancer considered a death sentence? For one thing, cancer is a horrible disease and the treatments are just as horrible. And mouth cancer is even worse because the surgery itself is debilitating. For people afflicted with mouth cancer, losing their tongue or part of the tongue is very common. The probability of recurrence is also quite high. So, to prevent recurrence, the mouth cancer patients are subjected to radiotherapy and chemotherapy. This will kill your appetite totally and then, you will have the painful ulcers to deal with.
In my opinion, surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy are only effective for short term. Therefore, completing all the treatments is not the end of the story yet. You will have to change your lifestyle and your mindset. Lifestyle includes the food that you are so used to and also exercise. Cancer is all about unhealthy lifestyle. Your favourite food (such as sugar, animal fat, meat) is also cancer's favourite. So, the more you eat those food, the more cancer cells fluorish. So, now I intend to change my diet altogether (easy, because I cant eat anyway). Today, my husband and I went shopping for the goodies mentioned in Dr Tom Wu's guide to prevent cancer. Dr Wu is a lung cancer stage IV survivor. We bought beetroot, carrot, lemon, parsley, red grapes, beansprout, tomatoes and a lot more which I cant remember). As soon as we got home, we straight away blended all the ingredients and I had to drink it. It was torturous! I thought I could never drink the concoction. After taking a deep breath and reminding myself that I am at war with cancer and I am not about to throw in a white towel, I finally managed to down the whole cup. Then, I realised that my shirt was all wet. I actually sweat profusely. I am supposed to drink the concoction 6 cups a day. Oh...please pray that I'll be able to do that.
All in all, I am doing well. I feel much better now. Yesterday, I drove for the first time after the operation in August and came back in one piece..
Thanks for all your prayers and kind thoughts.
Sharifah
"Life is too short but intend to grow old gracefully"
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Amendment
Hi,
So sorry because I gave a wrong number for my new line. Actually, my new number is
0135213020.
So long....
Sharifah
So sorry because I gave a wrong number for my new line. Actually, my new number is
0135213020.
So long....
Sharifah
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Recovering
Salam and hello,
Many cancer survivors say that recovery period after radiotherapy and chemotherapy is the worst. This is because of the residual effects they have on the patients. I find that its really true. I feel a lot worse after both treatments than during the therapies. The burning sensation, the phlegm, fatigue, sleepless nights, no sense of taste and mouth sores can really drive you up the wall. These can really make you feel down because you just don't know whether it would go away and you start wondering whether the treatments are all worth it and if you die, would you die of cancer or the treatments?!
I am now about 3 weeks post treatments and I am glad to say that most of the problems mentioned above have gone. My voice is a lot clearer ( forgot to mention that I also lost my voice) now. Actually I was quite worried that I would not get my voice back because it happened to somebody I know who had radiotherapy around the neck area and the beam messed up his voicebox. I also sleep better now. The only thing that bugs me now is my appetite is zilch! I can't taste anything at all and I don't know whether I will be able to eat anymore. The only thing that gives me hope are the cancer survivors from the OCF (Oral Cancer Foundation) and the MCF (Mouth Cancer Foundation). Some of them who are also tongueless are able to eat and enjoy just about anything. I still can't imagine doing that just yet but sure hope that I'll qualify to join the club soon! (Insyaallah).
Last Thursday, an old friend, Zarina dropped by with another friend, Chee. We were college mates in Eastern Illinois University. The last time Zarina and I met was on her wedding day. It has been about 20 years and now her eldest son is already in college. When I saw her, I was so shocked because she has not changed one bit. She is just as cute and chirpy as I remember. We talked and reminisced about old time.
Yesterday evening, after being cooped up for days, I decided to follow my husband to the night market. There were a lot of food and the smell was wonderful. Oh...how I miss savouring laksa, fried kueh teow, pasembor, chicken rice and so on. How I wish I could just grab a chair and enjoy all those food...just like the old time. After buying a few things, we left. When we got home, I realised that my handphone was missing when I wanted to call my parents. I was so disappointed and felt so lost..huhu. But then, after a while, I thought to myself, oh heck...its just a handphone, not cancer..haha
So this morning I went to get me a new mobile and register for a new line. So, friends out there, please take note that my new number is 013-5313020 and do sms (text) me because I lost all your numbers. This line will only be operable on Monday evening.
Life is so unpredictable, isn't it?
Bye, for now.
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Many cancer survivors say that recovery period after radiotherapy and chemotherapy is the worst. This is because of the residual effects they have on the patients. I find that its really true. I feel a lot worse after both treatments than during the therapies. The burning sensation, the phlegm, fatigue, sleepless nights, no sense of taste and mouth sores can really drive you up the wall. These can really make you feel down because you just don't know whether it would go away and you start wondering whether the treatments are all worth it and if you die, would you die of cancer or the treatments?!
I am now about 3 weeks post treatments and I am glad to say that most of the problems mentioned above have gone. My voice is a lot clearer ( forgot to mention that I also lost my voice) now. Actually I was quite worried that I would not get my voice back because it happened to somebody I know who had radiotherapy around the neck area and the beam messed up his voicebox. I also sleep better now. The only thing that bugs me now is my appetite is zilch! I can't taste anything at all and I don't know whether I will be able to eat anymore. The only thing that gives me hope are the cancer survivors from the OCF (Oral Cancer Foundation) and the MCF (Mouth Cancer Foundation). Some of them who are also tongueless are able to eat and enjoy just about anything. I still can't imagine doing that just yet but sure hope that I'll qualify to join the club soon! (Insyaallah).
Last Thursday, an old friend, Zarina dropped by with another friend, Chee. We were college mates in Eastern Illinois University. The last time Zarina and I met was on her wedding day. It has been about 20 years and now her eldest son is already in college. When I saw her, I was so shocked because she has not changed one bit. She is just as cute and chirpy as I remember. We talked and reminisced about old time.
Yesterday evening, after being cooped up for days, I decided to follow my husband to the night market. There were a lot of food and the smell was wonderful. Oh...how I miss savouring laksa, fried kueh teow, pasembor, chicken rice and so on. How I wish I could just grab a chair and enjoy all those food...just like the old time. After buying a few things, we left. When we got home, I realised that my handphone was missing when I wanted to call my parents. I was so disappointed and felt so lost..huhu. But then, after a while, I thought to myself, oh heck...its just a handphone, not cancer..haha
So this morning I went to get me a new mobile and register for a new line. So, friends out there, please take note that my new number is 013-5313020 and do sms (text) me because I lost all your numbers. This line will only be operable on Monday evening.
Life is so unpredictable, isn't it?
Bye, for now.
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Completed All Treatments
Hi folks! Assalamualaikum,
First of all, I apologise for not updating this blog for quite sometime. Some friends have texting me wondering how I have been doing. Well, I am fine and thank you very much for being so concern.
I have just completed my chemo and radiotheraphy on the 21sts Nov. It has been about a week now post treatment. On that friday (my last treatment day), as usual I went to the Mt Miriam Hospital in the morning to be nuked. After the session ended, I was instructed to see the oncologist, Dr Rakesh Raman. Then it got me a little worried. What if he add more zaps? I really felt like I could not go on with the treatments anymore. Both of my cheeks and my neck area have turned dark. Its even darker than the normal sunburn. The mouth sores are getting worse and painful. And the phlegm...urgh!! I can hardly finish my milk without using tons of tissue because whenever I drink the phlegm will sort of interrupt a smooth flow of milk into my throat and this causes me to really cough and spill the milk all over myself.
Actually, on the day before (thursday) there was this lady who was happily telling everybody that it was going to be her last radiation. However, after being checked up by the oncologist, she was told to go for 5 more zaps of radiotheraphy. She was so disappointed. I was kind of worried that he might decide to give me more nukes. However, my worries had been unfounded. When he checked me, he said that I am doing just fine there would be no more zap. I have completed 30 sessions altogether. He checked my neck area and inside the mouth and he said I am ok now. I was so relieved.
Then, after coming back to the hospital, I continued with the last chemo. My husband came early on that day. After another 7 hours of chemo, everything was over. I straightaway asked to be discharged. I could not bear to stay there even for another minute. So, I came straight home right after that.
For a few days after the treatments, I felt quite weak and slept most of the time. However, I forced myself to take the morning brisk walk around the field in front of my house. I was told that the best time to exercise is between 6 to 7 am because that is the time where the oxygen content of the air is the most and pollution free. Its very important to supply as much oxygen as possible to the body especially cancer patients because cancer cells cannot survive in oxygenated environment. So, I managed to brisk walk 4 rounds every morning for in the past few days. Now, I feel a lot fresher and stronger. Thank god. Alhamdulillah.
Btw, my appetite is still lousy. I am still surviving on ensure milk, fruit juices and honey. I think I have forgotten how to eat. Got to relearn when the time comes for me to eat again...ha ha
Bye, for now. Life is great.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
First of all, I apologise for not updating this blog for quite sometime. Some friends have texting me wondering how I have been doing. Well, I am fine and thank you very much for being so concern.
I have just completed my chemo and radiotheraphy on the 21sts Nov. It has been about a week now post treatment. On that friday (my last treatment day), as usual I went to the Mt Miriam Hospital in the morning to be nuked. After the session ended, I was instructed to see the oncologist, Dr Rakesh Raman. Then it got me a little worried. What if he add more zaps? I really felt like I could not go on with the treatments anymore. Both of my cheeks and my neck area have turned dark. Its even darker than the normal sunburn. The mouth sores are getting worse and painful. And the phlegm...urgh!! I can hardly finish my milk without using tons of tissue because whenever I drink the phlegm will sort of interrupt a smooth flow of milk into my throat and this causes me to really cough and spill the milk all over myself.
Actually, on the day before (thursday) there was this lady who was happily telling everybody that it was going to be her last radiation. However, after being checked up by the oncologist, she was told to go for 5 more zaps of radiotheraphy. She was so disappointed. I was kind of worried that he might decide to give me more nukes. However, my worries had been unfounded. When he checked me, he said that I am doing just fine there would be no more zap. I have completed 30 sessions altogether. He checked my neck area and inside the mouth and he said I am ok now. I was so relieved.
Then, after coming back to the hospital, I continued with the last chemo. My husband came early on that day. After another 7 hours of chemo, everything was over. I straightaway asked to be discharged. I could not bear to stay there even for another minute. So, I came straight home right after that.
For a few days after the treatments, I felt quite weak and slept most of the time. However, I forced myself to take the morning brisk walk around the field in front of my house. I was told that the best time to exercise is between 6 to 7 am because that is the time where the oxygen content of the air is the most and pollution free. Its very important to supply as much oxygen as possible to the body especially cancer patients because cancer cells cannot survive in oxygenated environment. So, I managed to brisk walk 4 rounds every morning for in the past few days. Now, I feel a lot fresher and stronger. Thank god. Alhamdulillah.
Btw, my appetite is still lousy. I am still surviving on ensure milk, fruit juices and honey. I think I have forgotten how to eat. Got to relearn when the time comes for me to eat again...ha ha
Bye, for now. Life is great.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Monday, November 10, 2008
Counting my blessings
Assalamualaikum everyone,
This morning, I went for my 21st radiation at mt miriam hospital. On the way, I could not help looking back what I had gone through since my first rad and chemo. I realised how fortunate I have been because I can still swallow my milk rather well even though I do suffer some mouth sores and the thick phlegm in the mouth which threatens to choke me once in a while. I have also completed 5 cycles of chemo and I have 2 more to go.
There are actually a lot of things that I should count my blessings for. When I looked around me in the Mt Miriam ambulance I feel like what I am facing now is just peanuts because there many other who suffer a lot more. Some can't even climb into the ambulance on their own. They have to be assisted all the time. Many have lost their appetite totally and are only getting by with water for weeks and they have become very weak. There is a 36 year old lady who has a stage IV cervical cancer which is inoperable and it has metastasised to her kidney. She is on palliative treatment which means it cannot be cured and the treatments are just to prolong her life.
Another thing that I am grateful for is that Allah has given me the strength to go through the treatments and I am almost at the end of the tunnel now. I have another 9 zaps to go. I think I can handle that. Alhamdulillah.
The most important of all is that Allah has chosen me to face this ordeal and not any of my children. I don't know if I will have the courage if one of my children is struck with cancer.
And because of cancer, I have made a lot caring friends which I would not have otherwise.
And for all those things, syukur alhamdulillah....
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
This morning, I went for my 21st radiation at mt miriam hospital. On the way, I could not help looking back what I had gone through since my first rad and chemo. I realised how fortunate I have been because I can still swallow my milk rather well even though I do suffer some mouth sores and the thick phlegm in the mouth which threatens to choke me once in a while. I have also completed 5 cycles of chemo and I have 2 more to go.
There are actually a lot of things that I should count my blessings for. When I looked around me in the Mt Miriam ambulance I feel like what I am facing now is just peanuts because there many other who suffer a lot more. Some can't even climb into the ambulance on their own. They have to be assisted all the time. Many have lost their appetite totally and are only getting by with water for weeks and they have become very weak. There is a 36 year old lady who has a stage IV cervical cancer which is inoperable and it has metastasised to her kidney. She is on palliative treatment which means it cannot be cured and the treatments are just to prolong her life.
Another thing that I am grateful for is that Allah has given me the strength to go through the treatments and I am almost at the end of the tunnel now. I have another 9 zaps to go. I think I can handle that. Alhamdulillah.
The most important of all is that Allah has chosen me to face this ordeal and not any of my children. I don't know if I will have the courage if one of my children is struck with cancer.
And because of cancer, I have made a lot caring friends which I would not have otherwise.
And for all those things, syukur alhamdulillah....
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Penang General Hospital
Assalamualaikum and hello everyone,
Got back home on Friday night after my forth chemo. Intended to post something but I felt too tired and went straight to bed. Yesterday, I felt very weak and slept all day. Alhamdulillah, today I feel a lot better and able do compose another post.
After my first operation in April, I stayed in Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star for 24 days. Then, for my second operation in August, I was warded for 34 days. My stay in the hospital was ok. I can't really find anything to fret about. So, when I was informed that I had to stay in the Penang GH through out my radiation and chemo therapies, I was sort of looking forward to it thinking the condition would be more or less the same.
On the first day, I was placed in the oncology ward, along with 20 other patients of both sexes and various conditions. Some were critical and dying. During the night, you could hear voices groaning and moaning in pain. It freaked me out. Most of the patients are undergoing chemo therapy. There was no air cond, just the fans and it got really warm during the day. There are three common shower rooms and three toilets to be shared among the male and female patients. To make it worse, patients with skin diseases are also placed in the same ward. Eventhough they have a shower room and a toilet separated from the rest, there was no way to be sure that they don't use the other shower rooms and toilets. Thats what bothered me the most. I mean when you are under radiation and chemo therapies, your immune system is at the weakest and you can get infected rather easily.
On the second day, I requested to be transferred to the first class ward but was turned down because they said that since I'll be doing chemo, I have to stay at the oncology ward for easy monitoring. I was really not happy about it because as I saw it, staying in the ward is not going to make anyone better. On the 4th day, I was informed that I could go to the first class ward with a condition that I have to come back to the oncology ward for the chemo. Of course I did not argue about the fact that my request to be transferred in the first place was flatly turned down. It was a pleasant surprise. I was so relieved and quickly packed my things and went to the first class ward.
I was placed in a 2 bedded room with an elderly lady who was looked after by her grand daughter. As soon as I settled in the ward, a nurse came and gave a briefing on the dos and the don'ts. One of the groundrules is that I could bring someone to accompany but it has to be a she because it is a female ward. Then, I started noticing that the girl who stayed with my roomate had her boyfriend there all the time. I could not help wondering why nothing was done about it. I brought that up to the nurses but was informed that they could not do anything about it. The boy just refused to budge and even slept there with the girl. If it was in Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, that boy would have been chased out in no time. If the nurses can't implement the rules, what are the rules for and who are responsible to ensure that the rules are enforced??
Anyway, that lady completed her treatment and she left last friday, phew! Or else I would have to request for another room, wouldn't I?
Oh..by the way, I am already halfway through my treatment and my hair is still intact and my mouth is not as sore as before. However, I am still fighting with the phlegm in my mouth. Many people say that from now on, the level of suffering from the side effects will either stay the same or go downhill. In other words, I should feel better after this. Now, that is something to look forward to...
Will write again, soon...
Bye, for now.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Got back home on Friday night after my forth chemo. Intended to post something but I felt too tired and went straight to bed. Yesterday, I felt very weak and slept all day. Alhamdulillah, today I feel a lot better and able do compose another post.
After my first operation in April, I stayed in Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star for 24 days. Then, for my second operation in August, I was warded for 34 days. My stay in the hospital was ok. I can't really find anything to fret about. So, when I was informed that I had to stay in the Penang GH through out my radiation and chemo therapies, I was sort of looking forward to it thinking the condition would be more or less the same.
On the first day, I was placed in the oncology ward, along with 20 other patients of both sexes and various conditions. Some were critical and dying. During the night, you could hear voices groaning and moaning in pain. It freaked me out. Most of the patients are undergoing chemo therapy. There was no air cond, just the fans and it got really warm during the day. There are three common shower rooms and three toilets to be shared among the male and female patients. To make it worse, patients with skin diseases are also placed in the same ward. Eventhough they have a shower room and a toilet separated from the rest, there was no way to be sure that they don't use the other shower rooms and toilets. Thats what bothered me the most. I mean when you are under radiation and chemo therapies, your immune system is at the weakest and you can get infected rather easily.
On the second day, I requested to be transferred to the first class ward but was turned down because they said that since I'll be doing chemo, I have to stay at the oncology ward for easy monitoring. I was really not happy about it because as I saw it, staying in the ward is not going to make anyone better. On the 4th day, I was informed that I could go to the first class ward with a condition that I have to come back to the oncology ward for the chemo. Of course I did not argue about the fact that my request to be transferred in the first place was flatly turned down. It was a pleasant surprise. I was so relieved and quickly packed my things and went to the first class ward.
I was placed in a 2 bedded room with an elderly lady who was looked after by her grand daughter. As soon as I settled in the ward, a nurse came and gave a briefing on the dos and the don'ts. One of the groundrules is that I could bring someone to accompany but it has to be a she because it is a female ward. Then, I started noticing that the girl who stayed with my roomate had her boyfriend there all the time. I could not help wondering why nothing was done about it. I brought that up to the nurses but was informed that they could not do anything about it. The boy just refused to budge and even slept there with the girl. If it was in Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, that boy would have been chased out in no time. If the nurses can't implement the rules, what are the rules for and who are responsible to ensure that the rules are enforced??
Anyway, that lady completed her treatment and she left last friday, phew! Or else I would have to request for another room, wouldn't I?
Oh..by the way, I am already halfway through my treatment and my hair is still intact and my mouth is not as sore as before. However, I am still fighting with the phlegm in my mouth. Many people say that from now on, the level of suffering from the side effects will either stay the same or go downhill. In other words, I should feel better after this. Now, that is something to look forward to...
Will write again, soon...
Bye, for now.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
Saturday, October 25, 2008
My Third Chemo, 11 th Nuke
Salam and hello friends,
I wish I could say that everything is smoothsailing. I wish I could say that going through the treatments in battling cancer is just like going for a picnic. I wish I could say that having chemo is also like having ice-cream cone. I wish...
Yesterday, I completed my 11th radiation and 3rd chemo. I am now experiencing a bit of a stiff neck and dry and heaty mouth. I have been forewarned by people who had gone through the journey about dry mouth but just could not imagine how its like. Well, actually it is horrible. My lips started cracking, and my saliva thickened becoming phlegm-like. Everytime I have my milk (still can't eat, ok?), I have to clean my mouth thoroughly and it is a chore because some of the milk would get entangled with the web of stringy, phlegm-like saliva. Usually, by rinsing with water and mouthwash alone will not get the phlegm plus milk out. I have to use a piece of gauze to reach into my mouth up to the throat and gently pull it out. Then, my lips would start bleeding because of the rubbing of the gauze against it and also having to stretch lips wide enough.
After finishing my chemo last night which took about 7 hours, hubby came to take me home. I was so tired because I could not sleep at all during the chemo. After getting home, I got ready for bed but could not have a good sleep because my thick saliva started filling my mouth and occasionally got lodge at the throat. This made it hard to breath and I had to get up often to get the gooey stuff out of the way. That was not fun!
Swallowing has also become painful because my throat has become sore to the point even swallowing water is difficult. But, I have to force myself to consume lots of water to ease the heatiness and dry mouth. It does help. I am now only drinking oxygenated water and so I feel a lot better. I am also taking a lot of coconut water..yummy!
As I am writing this, I am also noticing that my hair is falling off. Not so much yet. Well, that is to be expected but still, its a bit scary. Good thing I had a good sense of cutting my hair real short. Well, my family thinks that I look cuter in short hair. Who knows I might look even cuter without hair...ha ha
Another thing, compared to Penang GH, I prefer Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah anytime! Will tell you more about Penang GH in my next posting...hmm a lot of stories...
Until then...
Bye, for now.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
I wish I could say that everything is smoothsailing. I wish I could say that going through the treatments in battling cancer is just like going for a picnic. I wish I could say that having chemo is also like having ice-cream cone. I wish...
Yesterday, I completed my 11th radiation and 3rd chemo. I am now experiencing a bit of a stiff neck and dry and heaty mouth. I have been forewarned by people who had gone through the journey about dry mouth but just could not imagine how its like. Well, actually it is horrible. My lips started cracking, and my saliva thickened becoming phlegm-like. Everytime I have my milk (still can't eat, ok?), I have to clean my mouth thoroughly and it is a chore because some of the milk would get entangled with the web of stringy, phlegm-like saliva. Usually, by rinsing with water and mouthwash alone will not get the phlegm plus milk out. I have to use a piece of gauze to reach into my mouth up to the throat and gently pull it out. Then, my lips would start bleeding because of the rubbing of the gauze against it and also having to stretch lips wide enough.
After finishing my chemo last night which took about 7 hours, hubby came to take me home. I was so tired because I could not sleep at all during the chemo. After getting home, I got ready for bed but could not have a good sleep because my thick saliva started filling my mouth and occasionally got lodge at the throat. This made it hard to breath and I had to get up often to get the gooey stuff out of the way. That was not fun!
Swallowing has also become painful because my throat has become sore to the point even swallowing water is difficult. But, I have to force myself to consume lots of water to ease the heatiness and dry mouth. It does help. I am now only drinking oxygenated water and so I feel a lot better. I am also taking a lot of coconut water..yummy!
As I am writing this, I am also noticing that my hair is falling off. Not so much yet. Well, that is to be expected but still, its a bit scary. Good thing I had a good sense of cutting my hair real short. Well, my family thinks that I look cuter in short hair. Who knows I might look even cuter without hair...ha ha
Another thing, compared to Penang GH, I prefer Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah anytime! Will tell you more about Penang GH in my next posting...hmm a lot of stories...
Until then...
Bye, for now.
Sharifah
"Life is too short, but intend to grow old gracefully"
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