In many cultures, politeness is of utmost importance, especially among children. In inculcating such values to the children, parents often scare the children by saying things like, "if you like to curse, or say bad things to others or simply being rude to others, one day god will cut your tongue off". Another tendency is to tell the children that if they stick their tongues out to others, god will also cut their tongues off. We hope that by saying so, children will hold their tongues and not embarrass you in front of friends or stranger.
One day, an old friend, along with her niece came to visit me. With my slurring speech, we talked about a lot of things. Her niece was watching me intently, probably wondering why I slurred. Then, she blurted out, "Pasal apa makcik cakap macam tu?" or "Why are you talking like that?". So, my friend explained that I had no tongue. She asked why. My friend explained again that my tongue was diseased and the doctor had to cut it off. Then, the talkative 3 year old girl asked again, "Makcik dulu suka maki orang ka?" or "Did you like to curse others?". There you go. It hit me hard because this is what most of us tend to teach our children. We tend to take the shortcut instead of explaining to them that cursing people is just plain rude and rude people will not have many friends. My friend was so embarrassed and apologised to me profusely. How should you answer that innocent child? After all, that's what the adults have been hammering into her head all these years! Then, I said that its ok because its not her fault. I was sincere.
Fortunately, none of my three children are that talkative. Whenever they are curious about someone, they would wait until we are alone and ask. That gives me a chance to explain to them properly. Even in my case, they just accept me as I am and I have no problem communicating with them about my current physical condition. Alhamdulillah.
Long after that, my friend called again to apologise should her beloved niece offended me in any way. I said that I am beyond care about how people see me or what they think about the way I look or the way I speak. I went on to say that I can't afford to be offended because if I do, I can't survive and I am not about to surrender to such things. I just have to face it. And now, I can really empathize with those physically handicapped people and how tough it is just to be looked upon and treated like normal people. And to make matters worse, some people would just say to you point blank that you are being punished for something bad that you have done in the past.....
I would like to take this opportunity to wish the muslims Selamat Hari Raya and may this eid be a joyous one for all.
Sorry, I'm supposed to talk about my trip to Mecca recently. However, I got sidetracked by this issue about education our children. Next entry, I promise.
Bye, for now.
Sharifah
"Canccer Sucks"
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Career Change
Salam to all,
I know that I haven't updated my blog for quite a while. You know what they say, no news is good news? Well, in my case, that is true. The good news is that I'm doing just fine. I feel fine and life is just great.
I've been quite busy these past few weeks. After I went for my follow up last month, I attended a course in translation. Since there's a very slim probability of me going back to teaching like those pre cancer days, I decided to make a turn in my career into translation work. So, I attended the translation course in Institut Terjemahan Negara in Kuala Lumpur. The course went on for about 2 weeks. It was a rather enlightening experience.
I was quite nervous at first because I did not know what to expect from strangers (coursemates) considering my slurring speech. I didn't want their pity. What if they could not understand me?
Well, after the first day went by, I realised that all that worries were for nothing. Everyone was wonderful. I could converse just as normal as everybody else even though I sounded different. Unique. I commanded full attention from others since they had to really listen carefully to what I had to say..hahaha or else it would have been their loss...
The course was over on 1st August. And I flew back to Kedah. Then, I got busy with the translation projects I have been getting from a dear friend continuously (god bless him) up to the time to leave for Mecca to perform Umrah. I left for Mecca on the 21st of August. So, you see, I've been on my toes and could not find the time to update this blog. However, I read the comments coming in wholeheatedly and guiltily. Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts.
I'll be talking about my trip to Mecca in my next entry.
Bye, for now
"Cancer Sucks"
I know that I haven't updated my blog for quite a while. You know what they say, no news is good news? Well, in my case, that is true. The good news is that I'm doing just fine. I feel fine and life is just great.
I've been quite busy these past few weeks. After I went for my follow up last month, I attended a course in translation. Since there's a very slim probability of me going back to teaching like those pre cancer days, I decided to make a turn in my career into translation work. So, I attended the translation course in Institut Terjemahan Negara in Kuala Lumpur. The course went on for about 2 weeks. It was a rather enlightening experience.
I was quite nervous at first because I did not know what to expect from strangers (coursemates) considering my slurring speech. I didn't want their pity. What if they could not understand me?
Well, after the first day went by, I realised that all that worries were for nothing. Everyone was wonderful. I could converse just as normal as everybody else even though I sounded different. Unique. I commanded full attention from others since they had to really listen carefully to what I had to say..hahaha or else it would have been their loss...
The course was over on 1st August. And I flew back to Kedah. Then, I got busy with the translation projects I have been getting from a dear friend continuously (god bless him) up to the time to leave for Mecca to perform Umrah. I left for Mecca on the 21st of August. So, you see, I've been on my toes and could not find the time to update this blog. However, I read the comments coming in wholeheatedly and guiltily. Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts.
I'll be talking about my trip to Mecca in my next entry.
Bye, for now
"Cancer Sucks"
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Update
Assalamualaikum my friends,
When I walked into the doctor's office the other day for my follow up, he was so happy to see me because I'd put on weight. In two months, my weight had increased by 3 kg. I am proud to say that my weight is now 48 kg, even more than it was before cancer.
He checked inside my mouth and declared that everything looks ok. However, he also said that I have to be on the look out all the time for any change at all in the oral cavity because should there be any recurrence, they would want to catch it as early as possible. He went on and said that from his experience, for a young patient like me with no risk factor, a lot of time, a recurrence results in losing the battle. It seems that there nothing we can do to prevent the recurrence. So, what should I do now? Just wait for the time??
Ouch! ..that was like a smack in the face. After a few seconds, I thought to myself, well, if its time to go, you go. But before the time comes, before my time is up, there are a lot of things I can do. Thinking about it is also useless and a waste of time. Life goes on.
Oh yes, I am going to finish up the book I've started writing. And maybe do some travelling. Why not? I am not bedridden. Hey, life is great..
Bye, for now.
"Always stay awake because cancer never sleeps"
When I walked into the doctor's office the other day for my follow up, he was so happy to see me because I'd put on weight. In two months, my weight had increased by 3 kg. I am proud to say that my weight is now 48 kg, even more than it was before cancer.
He checked inside my mouth and declared that everything looks ok. However, he also said that I have to be on the look out all the time for any change at all in the oral cavity because should there be any recurrence, they would want to catch it as early as possible. He went on and said that from his experience, for a young patient like me with no risk factor, a lot of time, a recurrence results in losing the battle. It seems that there nothing we can do to prevent the recurrence. So, what should I do now? Just wait for the time??
Ouch! ..that was like a smack in the face. After a few seconds, I thought to myself, well, if its time to go, you go. But before the time comes, before my time is up, there are a lot of things I can do. Thinking about it is also useless and a waste of time. Life goes on.
Oh yes, I am going to finish up the book I've started writing. And maybe do some travelling. Why not? I am not bedridden. Hey, life is great..
Bye, for now.
"Always stay awake because cancer never sleeps"
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Latest Follow-up
Waiting for my turn in the ENT department.
Salam and hello to all,
I am now at the Sultanah Bahiyah Hospital in Alor Star, waiting for my turn to see the doctor for my follow up. Upon registering, I was given my calling number, 865. And the doctor is now seeing a patient whose number is 825. Phooh! 40 patients to go before my turn.
Well, from past experience, I expected this to happen. So, I made sure I brought along my laptop. So, here I am at the ENT department.
I'll keep you updated on the follow up.
Bye, for now.
"Always stay awake because cancer never sleeps"
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friends
Hello,
Oral cancer takes away a lot of your life if you survive. Your ability to speak and therefore to perform in your job, socialise, eat, and to a certain extend your friends and even spouses. This is the time that you are lucky enough to find out who your friends really are. Some survivors are really blessed with people around them who truly care and go out of their way to make life easier and more meaningful. Some are also fortunate to make new friends, friends that they had never met pre cancer who come forward to offer help in every way selflessly and unconditionally. I find it truly amazing that there are actually many people out there who would just extend their hands whenever you need help. All you have to do is ask and they are there.
However, there are also friends who would just shy away from you, not because they don't like you anymore, but just that they are probably afraid that they might be saying the wrong thing and end up offending you. In my case, my slurring speech sometimes scare people off from talking to me. When they can't make out what I say, they would be very apologetic, for making me repeat it a few times. I do not blame them at all because I am aware how I sound like. I speak with an "accent" and I am not offended.
Since losing my tongue, I am not as talkative as before, especially with people who are not used to the way I speak now. Not to say that I am embarrassed with my condition now but I don't want to embarrass them for not understanding what I say. You see, some people would go to the extent of pretending that they know what I’m saying just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. And I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable around me.
Usually, when I say a word that is not understood, I would try to find other ways of saying it. For instance, I had a telephone conversation with a friend this morning. I told her that my medical leave would be over in January 09. I pronounced the word medical, “mae-i-al” because I could not produce the /d/ and /k/ sounds. Then, she asked, “what?” . So, I knew that she could not figure that word out. So, I said, “Oh..I have to go back to work in February next year.” Then, she responded by saying that its great that I would be working soon.
However, one good thing that has come out from this is that, my writing has improved tremendously since I have to rely on my writing more than before to express my thoughts.
Its just great to be alive!
Cheers!
Oral cancer takes away a lot of your life if you survive. Your ability to speak and therefore to perform in your job, socialise, eat, and to a certain extend your friends and even spouses. This is the time that you are lucky enough to find out who your friends really are. Some survivors are really blessed with people around them who truly care and go out of their way to make life easier and more meaningful. Some are also fortunate to make new friends, friends that they had never met pre cancer who come forward to offer help in every way selflessly and unconditionally. I find it truly amazing that there are actually many people out there who would just extend their hands whenever you need help. All you have to do is ask and they are there.
However, there are also friends who would just shy away from you, not because they don't like you anymore, but just that they are probably afraid that they might be saying the wrong thing and end up offending you. In my case, my slurring speech sometimes scare people off from talking to me. When they can't make out what I say, they would be very apologetic, for making me repeat it a few times. I do not blame them at all because I am aware how I sound like. I speak with an "accent" and I am not offended.
Since losing my tongue, I am not as talkative as before, especially with people who are not used to the way I speak now. Not to say that I am embarrassed with my condition now but I don't want to embarrass them for not understanding what I say. You see, some people would go to the extent of pretending that they know what I’m saying just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. And I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable around me.
Usually, when I say a word that is not understood, I would try to find other ways of saying it. For instance, I had a telephone conversation with a friend this morning. I told her that my medical leave would be over in January 09. I pronounced the word medical, “mae-i-al” because I could not produce the /d/ and /k/ sounds. Then, she asked, “what?” . So, I knew that she could not figure that word out. So, I said, “Oh..I have to go back to work in February next year.” Then, she responded by saying that its great that I would be working soon.
However, one good thing that has come out from this is that, my writing has improved tremendously since I have to rely on my writing more than before to express my thoughts.
Its just great to be alive!
Cheers!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Being Mortal
Michael Jackson died today. Michael died of cardiac arrest as reported online. Who has given it a thought that the seemingly invincible King of Pop would die at 50? When he was in the midst of making a come back?
So did Farrah Fawcett. And Farrah died of cancer after battling it since 2006 when she was first diagnosed. In the program "Farrah Story", she mentioned that she was aware that everybody dies but she didn't want to die of cancer. But then, really, what choice we mortals have about how we die? or how or where we were born for that matter? The only choice we have is how we live our lives.
Many people asked me whether I have thought about my own death. My answer is yes, but I don't dwell on it because death is something we have no control of. When the time comes for you to go, you go, no matter what. Thinking about it would not make any difference and would not change the situation in any way.
Having cancer does not mean I'll die any sooner than others who are cancer free. Since embracing cancer, in 2008, I've seen many perfectly healthy people around me who have passed on. And so have others who were afflicted with other types of diseases like diabetes, heart disease, dengue, and now, we are faced with another life threatening issue, the H1N1 or the swine flu.
I've just read about an Australian cancer survivor lady who has just died of H1N1. She did not even die of cancer. The problem with cancer survivors is that their immune systems have been compromised because of the harsh treatments that they have gone through. This makes them susceptible to germs and virus.
So, bearing that in mind, I'd really have to be extra careful in maintaining hygiene and also in socialising in public places. Well, that shouldn't be too hard because since having slurring speech, I have cut down on socialising quite significantly.
Bye, for now.
"Never stop fighting"
So did Farrah Fawcett. And Farrah died of cancer after battling it since 2006 when she was first diagnosed. In the program "Farrah Story", she mentioned that she was aware that everybody dies but she didn't want to die of cancer. But then, really, what choice we mortals have about how we die? or how or where we were born for that matter? The only choice we have is how we live our lives.
Many people asked me whether I have thought about my own death. My answer is yes, but I don't dwell on it because death is something we have no control of. When the time comes for you to go, you go, no matter what. Thinking about it would not make any difference and would not change the situation in any way.
Having cancer does not mean I'll die any sooner than others who are cancer free. Since embracing cancer, in 2008, I've seen many perfectly healthy people around me who have passed on. And so have others who were afflicted with other types of diseases like diabetes, heart disease, dengue, and now, we are faced with another life threatening issue, the H1N1 or the swine flu.
I've just read about an Australian cancer survivor lady who has just died of H1N1. She did not even die of cancer. The problem with cancer survivors is that their immune systems have been compromised because of the harsh treatments that they have gone through. This makes them susceptible to germs and virus.
So, bearing that in mind, I'd really have to be extra careful in maintaining hygiene and also in socialising in public places. Well, that shouldn't be too hard because since having slurring speech, I have cut down on socialising quite significantly.
Bye, for now.
"Never stop fighting"
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Brighter Side
Recently, I went for a movie "Angels and Demons". There was a dialogue uttered by Tom Hanks which really got me into a reflective mode about my own faith. The dialogue went something like this...
The Padre asked Tom Hanks: "Do you have faith in God?"
And answered by Tom: "Faith is a gift which I have yet to receive".
Since my cancer journey started, having faith in God has been a cliche whenever friends and relatives who come to visit try to say something comforting to me or whenever they text me or email me. It is a very good advice and I do accept and thank them wholeheartedly. What I'm trying to say is that, having faith in the almighty really helps me going the rough times. In that sense, I consider myself fortunate that I have received this gift, I mean I would really like to believe that I have this faith in me. However, is this gift big and strong enough for me to sail through the sea of the future which is full of uncertainties and turbulence? With cancer, you really don't know which direction this horrible journey will take you to. You just have no choice but to have faith that God is there for you no matter what. Or else you will feel really helpless and that you are all alone fighting your own battle.
It is very common for cancer survivors to say that having cancer is a blessing in its own way. I think looking at your fate that way really helps in coping with the horrible reality of having cancer. You try your level best to grope in the darkness of cancer to find just a ray of light and somehow find a way to expand it into a beam. Hence, you often come across cancer survivors saying things like having more friends, being closer to god, and experiencing a lot of love flowing around them, and the likes. We, cancer survivors really have no choice but to imagine ourselves being in a bright light no matter how dim the light may be.. just to keep our sanity!
Bye, for now.
"Faith is not something to be taken for granted"
The Padre asked Tom Hanks: "Do you have faith in God?"
And answered by Tom: "Faith is a gift which I have yet to receive".
Since my cancer journey started, having faith in God has been a cliche whenever friends and relatives who come to visit try to say something comforting to me or whenever they text me or email me. It is a very good advice and I do accept and thank them wholeheartedly. What I'm trying to say is that, having faith in the almighty really helps me going the rough times. In that sense, I consider myself fortunate that I have received this gift, I mean I would really like to believe that I have this faith in me. However, is this gift big and strong enough for me to sail through the sea of the future which is full of uncertainties and turbulence? With cancer, you really don't know which direction this horrible journey will take you to. You just have no choice but to have faith that God is there for you no matter what. Or else you will feel really helpless and that you are all alone fighting your own battle.
It is very common for cancer survivors to say that having cancer is a blessing in its own way. I think looking at your fate that way really helps in coping with the horrible reality of having cancer. You try your level best to grope in the darkness of cancer to find just a ray of light and somehow find a way to expand it into a beam. Hence, you often come across cancer survivors saying things like having more friends, being closer to god, and experiencing a lot of love flowing around them, and the likes. We, cancer survivors really have no choice but to imagine ourselves being in a bright light no matter how dim the light may be.. just to keep our sanity!
Bye, for now.
"Faith is not something to be taken for granted"
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