As salam to all,
Many of my readers are wondering what's going on with me because there has been no new posting for quite a while..yes, i do realize that...and i'm sorry. Wish i could provide a good reason for that but honestly i don't have one. Its just plain laziness..!!!
The thing is I'm doing very well. A few weeks ago I had a ct scan done and all is well..nothing peculiar came up. My doc was very happy and she said that I'm one of the lucky few oral cancer patients. Most oral cancer patients like me who were diagnosed around the same time have been long gone...al-fatihah for them..may their souls rest in peace and placed among those who are blessed by Allah.
Last month I attended a video training course organised by Panasonic Malaysia Kid's Witness News along with 2 students. It was fun. My students learnt a lot. Me, I was quiet most of the time. A bit skeptical to open my mouth. Not many participants were aware of my situation. Then, came the last day, where every teacher had to say something about the whole course. When, it was about to be my turn to speak, my student, Asif, offered to speak on my behalf. He said, "teacher, just write down what you want to say and I'll say it for u". Now, being his teacher, how could I let him do it for me. It was my pride, u see. My pride as a teacher. I thought to myself, heck...I've spoken in front of a bunch of doctors before. Why can't I do it now..So, I said, "No, Asif, I'll do it myself..hand me the mic, please. Thank you so much for being concerned".
Then, I took the mic and started speaking. I couldn't care less if they had a hard time understanding me. It was their problem, not mine. I told everyone what happened to me since 2008 and explained why I sound different. They said that they could understand me very well. And after that, some of them came to me and said how sorry they were about what I had gone through. I said that, I'm ok..thank God. I'm still thankful that I'm able to do things just like before despite what had happened.
And last week, I had the pleasure of training our school debate team which I never thought would happen. For a very long time, I had this feeling that such kind of thing is just out of my league...
Bye, for now, with lots of love,
Sharifah
Monday, June 27, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Template Designer
Dear All,
Need some help here. I'm trying to change the outlook of this blog. Been trying to fiddle around with the template designer but to no avail. Still can't figure out how to use it.
Can someone please help???
Thanks.
Need some help here. I'm trying to change the outlook of this blog. Been trying to fiddle around with the template designer but to no avail. Still can't figure out how to use it.
Can someone please help???
Thanks.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
PEG ISSUE
There I was, clutching my tummy in pain, waiting for my turn to see the doc. I’d been having some issues on my Peg for a few days. There had been some pain around the tummy area but it was bearable. But, this was crazy. Then, “Sharifah, exam room 135 please”.
I then dragged my feet into the room and asked to lie down. After briefing the doc on my source of pain, she pressed firmly on my tummy where the tube was, and “bushhhh”, out came the tube, along with some of my lunch. And like magic, the pain was totally gone. That was when I realized how fortunate I was …the tube could have come off when I was pouring down my lunch just a few hours earlier. And if that was the case, where would my food have gone to? The thought of it is enough to make me shiver….and my lips quiver. She then replaced the tube with something that looked like a rubber tubing to prevent the hole on my tummy from closing up.
Then, the good doc said that I had to be warded because she wanted to make sure that there was no infection and I was in good shape. So, I did what the doc said and spent the night in ward 7A, the same ward I was in after my surgeries way back in 2008. There were a few familiar faces when I was wheeled into the ward. One of the nurses said that I’m going to have a long life (panjang umur) because just minutes before my arrival at the ward, she mentioned to her colleagues about not seeing me for a very long time and she was wondering how I was doing. Hmm…talking about karma….
I had a good sleep that night after taking some milk through my mouth. In the morning, I showered and got into a fresh pair of hospital pajama and walked down to get some papers as I was restless. I was not prepared to spend the night at the ward. So, I did not bring my laptop along. An elderly lady, who was accompanying her daughter, commented on how energetic I was for someone who is on tube feeding. Her daughter, who was of the same age as me was going through chemo because she has lymphoma and was very weak because of it. So, I explained that I was there just to get my feeding tube replaced. I was not sick or anything like that….
I then dragged my feet into the room and asked to lie down. After briefing the doc on my source of pain, she pressed firmly on my tummy where the tube was, and “bushhhh”, out came the tube, along with some of my lunch. And like magic, the pain was totally gone. That was when I realized how fortunate I was …the tube could have come off when I was pouring down my lunch just a few hours earlier. And if that was the case, where would my food have gone to? The thought of it is enough to make me shiver….and my lips quiver. She then replaced the tube with something that looked like a rubber tubing to prevent the hole on my tummy from closing up.
Then, the good doc said that I had to be warded because she wanted to make sure that there was no infection and I was in good shape. So, I did what the doc said and spent the night in ward 7A, the same ward I was in after my surgeries way back in 2008. There were a few familiar faces when I was wheeled into the ward. One of the nurses said that I’m going to have a long life (panjang umur) because just minutes before my arrival at the ward, she mentioned to her colleagues about not seeing me for a very long time and she was wondering how I was doing. Hmm…talking about karma….
I had a good sleep that night after taking some milk through my mouth. In the morning, I showered and got into a fresh pair of hospital pajama and walked down to get some papers as I was restless. I was not prepared to spend the night at the ward. So, I did not bring my laptop along. An elderly lady, who was accompanying her daughter, commented on how energetic I was for someone who is on tube feeding. Her daughter, who was of the same age as me was going through chemo because she has lymphoma and was very weak because of it. So, I explained that I was there just to get my feeding tube replaced. I was not sick or anything like that….
Monday, January 17, 2011
A Good Friend
I got this from somewhere....and I find it really touching...
If one day you feel like crying, call me
I don’t promise you that I’ll make you laugh
But, I’ll cry with you
If one day you want to run away
Don’t be afraid to call me
I don’t promise to ask you to stay
But I’ll run with you
If one day you don’t want to listen to anybody
Call me
I promise to be very quiet
But, if one day you call
And there is no answer,
Come fast to see me
Perhaps I need you
Thank you for always being there for me!!!
ps...don't we all long for a friend like this??????
If one day you feel like crying, call me
I don’t promise you that I’ll make you laugh
But, I’ll cry with you
If one day you want to run away
Don’t be afraid to call me
I don’t promise to ask you to stay
But I’ll run with you
If one day you don’t want to listen to anybody
Call me
I promise to be very quiet
But, if one day you call
And there is no answer,
Come fast to see me
Perhaps I need you
Thank you for always being there for me!!!
ps...don't we all long for a friend like this??????
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
My Tongueless Talk
Salam and hi everybody,
In my earlier post, I mentioned about the Mouth Cancer Symposium in KL. In my anxiety as the big day came close, I prepared a complete text for the talk and a slide presentation because I was not sure how far the audience would understand me. I decided to just read up the text throughout the talk while flashing the main points on the screen. And here is my complete text:
Assalamualaikum and a very good afternoon,
First of all I would like to praise Allah for giving me a chance to stand here, talking to all of you wonderful people in this wonderful place. And a million thanks to Dr Vinod from the Mouth Cancer Foundation for having the trust in me to share with you my experience in this mouth cancer journey.
I was finally diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma on the tongue on March 16 2008 after going through weeks of painful ulcer. Well, that’s what I thought…just an ulcer. And funny enough, so did the few dentists that I went to. I was given antibiotics, pain killers and antiseptic gel. This went on for some time. And I was losing weight drastically. When it got really unbearable, when I could not move my tongue any longer and had to resort to soft diet, my husband put his foot down and forced me to have it checked at the Hospital Sultan Abdul Halim, Sg Petani. Dr Sumairi, was the first doctor who was alarmed the minute he looked at the lesion and insisted on a biopsy right away. And from the grim expression on his face, I knew that the worst was yet to come.
True enough, 2 weeks after the biopsy my husband and I were told by Dr Sumairi that I had tongue cancer and it was malignant. I could feel everything spinning around me. It was as if time had stopped right there and then. What? Cancer? Me? It sounded impossible for someone like me to have cancer. I was a very healthy person who only took 2 sick leaves annually all these years except of course when I had kids. I took great care with my diet. And I was an active person. This is the kind of thing that only happens to other people. Not me. And yet, there I was trying to take in the reality that hit me. Dr Sumairi went on to explain that he had to refer my case to the ENT specialist and an appointment was set with Dr Hisham at the hospital which was the following week.
After that, I was referred to Dr Zulkifli at Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star and things moved in a flash from there on; the scans, the bloodwork, the x-rays… Dr Zul explained that he would have to cut my chin right in the middle and perform total glossectomy because the cancer had spread to the midline of my tongue and also he said for a young patient and without a risk factor like me, the cancer was very aggressive and he did not want to take any chances. I mean I’ve never smoked a cigarette, chewed a single betel leave and sure as hell not taken a drop of alcohol. He said, aggressive cancer required aggressive action; hence the total removal of my tongue. Well then, I said to Dr Zul, I might as well have taken up smoking…..
The surgery would take at least 6 hours which would also entail taking some tissue from my chest to replace the cancerous tongue. I would be warded for at least 2 weeks. Communication could only take place through hand signals or writing for the time being. Breathing would be through a trachy. And I would not be able to speak and eat like I used to for the rest of my life. He even talked about being medically boarded since I’m a teacher. Then, he asked, do you agree? It was like asking me, “your life or your tongue?”. Well, that was the simplest question anyone had ever asked me.. the answer was easy…my life, of course..and that easiest answer had led to the biggest decision I had ever made in my entire life which was the surgery that had permanently altered the way I live my life…and forced me to accept the different ways of doing basic activities like eating and speaking as normal, or shall we say, a new normal..
My surgery took place on April 16. I was out for 7 hours. And what happened after that was exactly as explained by Dr Zul except for the torturous phlegm building up in my chest and the equally torturous suction by the nurse. The tubes came out day after day and I was totally freed from the tubes after 6 days. I was able to walk around after 4 days and I felt really great. After 2 weeks, I was able to sip liquids and swallow soft foods and the best thing was I was actually able to somewhat enjoy the food. Then, I was informed by the oncologist that the lab test showed that my cancer was at stage 2 and therefore, I did not need to go through chemo and radiotherapies. Of course I was happy about it because chemo and radio sounded horrible but I was also worried at the same time, worried about the possibility of a recurrence.
That was when, in my hunger for information, I stumbled upon the Mouth Cancer Foundation website and straightaway joined in and participated in the forum. I gained a lot of information about oral cancer from the members who have gone through similar experience. The forum offers a lot of comfort, encouragement and motivation because the members are always ready to share their experience. That was how Dr Vinod and many other mouth cancer survivors and I became friends. I’ve made friends with people like Pete, Mimi, Deborah, Julia, and Ananth and Nigel, to name a few. No, that’s an understatement. We actually became family..we cried when someone whom we’ve never even met passed on. Ananth and Nigel are no longer with us.
We comfort each other when things get rough on any one of us. When I had any question at all, for example, when I was about to have my chemo and radiotherapy, I did not know what to expect. So, I just posted a question and voila…loads of information came pouring in from members of the forum who had gone through the process and from Dr Vinod himself. It was a great comfort to learn that a great many people do survive the ordeal of the treatments. So, I was mentally prepared to go through the treatments. I used to post on the forum bugging everybody about what to do when I got nauseous, or help…I have thick phlegm in my throat, or my mouth is burning…and I was never disappointed…
The worry about the recurrence was not baseless because in July, I noticed a bump on my gum and there was a slight bleeding. In the next appointment with Dr Zul, I brought that to his attention and sure enough the cancer came back, back with a vengeance. So, another surgery was planned and on August 16 2008, I was pushed into the operation theatre again and this time my right mandible was removed and replaced with a titanium plate. When I was able to get my hands on my laptop again, the whole gang in the online support group cheered on. It really was a good feeling. This time round, Dr Zul insisted that I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. And I did. I had 30 zaps of radio and 7 rounds of chemo. All my treatments finished on November 21st 2008 and alhamdulillah I’ve been ok up to now.
Life after total glossectomy has not been too bad. Even though I can’t enjoy food as I used to before cancer, I’ve been able to get to my original weight. Thanks to Dr Zul who suggested that I had a PEG tube fixed. Most of my food consist of whole meal bread, ensure milk, brown rice powder and oats, all blended together. The liquid food is poured down the tube. I’ve been surviving on the PEG tube for over a year now and I feel alright. Do I have any craving for laksa, rojak or mee rebus? Yes, at times but as long as my tummy is well stuffed, I’ll be ok. I don’t have any problem at all if there’s anyone eating my favourite food in front of me.
To a certain extent, my social life has been affected. I became a bit withdrawn. Embarrassed and worried that others would not understand a word I say. I was even asked by a 3 yr old girl whether or not I used to say bad things to people because she said that God would cut your tongue off if you do. That really embarrassed her mother and she apologized to me profusely. I just smiled at her.. Well, I would have been tongue tied if I had any… What would you say to her? After all, we the adults are ones who have been drumming such ideas into the kids’ minds, am I right? But, as time goes by, slowly I have been able to adjust to my new normal and gained more confidence to speak in public.
I consider myself fortunate in the sense that I’m blessed with friends and families who tirelessly and continuously support and encourage me to move on. They keep on saying that they can understand me perfectly and all I need to do is to speak slowly. I know that they are telling me the truth because I realize that I don’t have to repeat myself that often any more. My children are already used to my new accent and I have no problem at all communicating with them. The best thing about all these is that I get undivided attention from my listeners as they try to figure out what I have to say. And standing here, speaking in front of all of you is a testament of my confidence. And for that, I have Dr Vinod to thank for. It means a lot to me.
When I was diagnosed with a malignant cancer of the tongue, I never thought I’d be speaking in front of an audience again. I was so sure that everything is over, everything that I’ve worked so hard for is over. In short, my live is over. But then, really, not having a tongue is not that bad. There are ways to overcome the inabilities caused by the handicap with the help of technology. Those days when I could not speak at all, I used to carry my laptop everywhere especially when I went to see my doctors. I just typed in my questions. But now, I don’t need to use it that much anymore.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the marvelous team of surgeons from the Sultanah Bahiyah Hospital, Alor Star who did a marvelous job on me, my families and online as well as offline friends who have been supporting me all this while because without them and the help from Allah, I don’t think I’d be able to share my experience with you today. And of course, Dr Vinod who went out of his way to fix me a prosthesis (palatal augmentation) which has helped me a lot in swallowing. Nevertheless, I also wish that I was given some kind of professional speech therapy to help me get on track in the speaking and eating department.
Thank you very much for your kind attention.
Yes, I did decide to read the text word for word. However, as soon as I stood at the podium, I just forgot all about it and just blurted out whatever I had in mind by referring to the points I had listed in my slides. I guess I just could not do away with the teacher in me!!!!! hahahaha Therefore, I thought it would be best to share with you my complete text.
By the way, I'll get back to my novel soon...and thanks a lot for the encouraging comments on my post "Aspiring to become a novelist".
Bye, for now..
In my earlier post, I mentioned about the Mouth Cancer Symposium in KL. In my anxiety as the big day came close, I prepared a complete text for the talk and a slide presentation because I was not sure how far the audience would understand me. I decided to just read up the text throughout the talk while flashing the main points on the screen. And here is my complete text:
Assalamualaikum and a very good afternoon,
First of all I would like to praise Allah for giving me a chance to stand here, talking to all of you wonderful people in this wonderful place. And a million thanks to Dr Vinod from the Mouth Cancer Foundation for having the trust in me to share with you my experience in this mouth cancer journey.
I was finally diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma on the tongue on March 16 2008 after going through weeks of painful ulcer. Well, that’s what I thought…just an ulcer. And funny enough, so did the few dentists that I went to. I was given antibiotics, pain killers and antiseptic gel. This went on for some time. And I was losing weight drastically. When it got really unbearable, when I could not move my tongue any longer and had to resort to soft diet, my husband put his foot down and forced me to have it checked at the Hospital Sultan Abdul Halim, Sg Petani. Dr Sumairi, was the first doctor who was alarmed the minute he looked at the lesion and insisted on a biopsy right away. And from the grim expression on his face, I knew that the worst was yet to come.
True enough, 2 weeks after the biopsy my husband and I were told by Dr Sumairi that I had tongue cancer and it was malignant. I could feel everything spinning around me. It was as if time had stopped right there and then. What? Cancer? Me? It sounded impossible for someone like me to have cancer. I was a very healthy person who only took 2 sick leaves annually all these years except of course when I had kids. I took great care with my diet. And I was an active person. This is the kind of thing that only happens to other people. Not me. And yet, there I was trying to take in the reality that hit me. Dr Sumairi went on to explain that he had to refer my case to the ENT specialist and an appointment was set with Dr Hisham at the hospital which was the following week.
After that, I was referred to Dr Zulkifli at Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star and things moved in a flash from there on; the scans, the bloodwork, the x-rays… Dr Zul explained that he would have to cut my chin right in the middle and perform total glossectomy because the cancer had spread to the midline of my tongue and also he said for a young patient and without a risk factor like me, the cancer was very aggressive and he did not want to take any chances. I mean I’ve never smoked a cigarette, chewed a single betel leave and sure as hell not taken a drop of alcohol. He said, aggressive cancer required aggressive action; hence the total removal of my tongue. Well then, I said to Dr Zul, I might as well have taken up smoking…..
The surgery would take at least 6 hours which would also entail taking some tissue from my chest to replace the cancerous tongue. I would be warded for at least 2 weeks. Communication could only take place through hand signals or writing for the time being. Breathing would be through a trachy. And I would not be able to speak and eat like I used to for the rest of my life. He even talked about being medically boarded since I’m a teacher. Then, he asked, do you agree? It was like asking me, “your life or your tongue?”. Well, that was the simplest question anyone had ever asked me.. the answer was easy…my life, of course..and that easiest answer had led to the biggest decision I had ever made in my entire life which was the surgery that had permanently altered the way I live my life…and forced me to accept the different ways of doing basic activities like eating and speaking as normal, or shall we say, a new normal..
My surgery took place on April 16. I was out for 7 hours. And what happened after that was exactly as explained by Dr Zul except for the torturous phlegm building up in my chest and the equally torturous suction by the nurse. The tubes came out day after day and I was totally freed from the tubes after 6 days. I was able to walk around after 4 days and I felt really great. After 2 weeks, I was able to sip liquids and swallow soft foods and the best thing was I was actually able to somewhat enjoy the food. Then, I was informed by the oncologist that the lab test showed that my cancer was at stage 2 and therefore, I did not need to go through chemo and radiotherapies. Of course I was happy about it because chemo and radio sounded horrible but I was also worried at the same time, worried about the possibility of a recurrence.
That was when, in my hunger for information, I stumbled upon the Mouth Cancer Foundation website and straightaway joined in and participated in the forum. I gained a lot of information about oral cancer from the members who have gone through similar experience. The forum offers a lot of comfort, encouragement and motivation because the members are always ready to share their experience. That was how Dr Vinod and many other mouth cancer survivors and I became friends. I’ve made friends with people like Pete, Mimi, Deborah, Julia, and Ananth and Nigel, to name a few. No, that’s an understatement. We actually became family..we cried when someone whom we’ve never even met passed on. Ananth and Nigel are no longer with us.
We comfort each other when things get rough on any one of us. When I had any question at all, for example, when I was about to have my chemo and radiotherapy, I did not know what to expect. So, I just posted a question and voila…loads of information came pouring in from members of the forum who had gone through the process and from Dr Vinod himself. It was a great comfort to learn that a great many people do survive the ordeal of the treatments. So, I was mentally prepared to go through the treatments. I used to post on the forum bugging everybody about what to do when I got nauseous, or help…I have thick phlegm in my throat, or my mouth is burning…and I was never disappointed…
The worry about the recurrence was not baseless because in July, I noticed a bump on my gum and there was a slight bleeding. In the next appointment with Dr Zul, I brought that to his attention and sure enough the cancer came back, back with a vengeance. So, another surgery was planned and on August 16 2008, I was pushed into the operation theatre again and this time my right mandible was removed and replaced with a titanium plate. When I was able to get my hands on my laptop again, the whole gang in the online support group cheered on. It really was a good feeling. This time round, Dr Zul insisted that I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. And I did. I had 30 zaps of radio and 7 rounds of chemo. All my treatments finished on November 21st 2008 and alhamdulillah I’ve been ok up to now.
Life after total glossectomy has not been too bad. Even though I can’t enjoy food as I used to before cancer, I’ve been able to get to my original weight. Thanks to Dr Zul who suggested that I had a PEG tube fixed. Most of my food consist of whole meal bread, ensure milk, brown rice powder and oats, all blended together. The liquid food is poured down the tube. I’ve been surviving on the PEG tube for over a year now and I feel alright. Do I have any craving for laksa, rojak or mee rebus? Yes, at times but as long as my tummy is well stuffed, I’ll be ok. I don’t have any problem at all if there’s anyone eating my favourite food in front of me.
To a certain extent, my social life has been affected. I became a bit withdrawn. Embarrassed and worried that others would not understand a word I say. I was even asked by a 3 yr old girl whether or not I used to say bad things to people because she said that God would cut your tongue off if you do. That really embarrassed her mother and she apologized to me profusely. I just smiled at her.. Well, I would have been tongue tied if I had any… What would you say to her? After all, we the adults are ones who have been drumming such ideas into the kids’ minds, am I right? But, as time goes by, slowly I have been able to adjust to my new normal and gained more confidence to speak in public.
I consider myself fortunate in the sense that I’m blessed with friends and families who tirelessly and continuously support and encourage me to move on. They keep on saying that they can understand me perfectly and all I need to do is to speak slowly. I know that they are telling me the truth because I realize that I don’t have to repeat myself that often any more. My children are already used to my new accent and I have no problem at all communicating with them. The best thing about all these is that I get undivided attention from my listeners as they try to figure out what I have to say. And standing here, speaking in front of all of you is a testament of my confidence. And for that, I have Dr Vinod to thank for. It means a lot to me.
When I was diagnosed with a malignant cancer of the tongue, I never thought I’d be speaking in front of an audience again. I was so sure that everything is over, everything that I’ve worked so hard for is over. In short, my live is over. But then, really, not having a tongue is not that bad. There are ways to overcome the inabilities caused by the handicap with the help of technology. Those days when I could not speak at all, I used to carry my laptop everywhere especially when I went to see my doctors. I just typed in my questions. But now, I don’t need to use it that much anymore.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the marvelous team of surgeons from the Sultanah Bahiyah Hospital, Alor Star who did a marvelous job on me, my families and online as well as offline friends who have been supporting me all this while because without them and the help from Allah, I don’t think I’d be able to share my experience with you today. And of course, Dr Vinod who went out of his way to fix me a prosthesis (palatal augmentation) which has helped me a lot in swallowing. Nevertheless, I also wish that I was given some kind of professional speech therapy to help me get on track in the speaking and eating department.
Thank you very much for your kind attention.
Yes, I did decide to read the text word for word. However, as soon as I stood at the podium, I just forgot all about it and just blurted out whatever I had in mind by referring to the points I had listed in my slides. I guess I just could not do away with the teacher in me!!!!! hahahaha Therefore, I thought it would be best to share with you my complete text.
By the way, I'll get back to my novel soon...and thanks a lot for the encouraging comments on my post "Aspiring to become a novelist".
Bye, for now..
Monday, December 20, 2010
Mouth Cancer Symposium
Hello folks,
Something exciting for me came up 2 weeks ago when I received an email from Dr Vinod of the Mouth Cancer Foundation, UK. He invited me to share my cancer experience in a Mouth Cancer Symposium in Kuala Lumpur which would be attended by dentists and oral cancer researchers. After giving it a lot of thought, I agreed to do it for a number of reasons:
1. The lacking of awareness on the importance of patient support among the medical fraternity.
2. The lacking of awareness on the importance of informing the patients on the consequence of late diagnosis among dentists.
3. The importance of convincing the oral cancer patients to face this disease head on.
4. My personal selfish reason: to boost my confidence in speaking in front of an audience and make myself understood..
I spoke for about 25 minutes..and was stunned by the undivided attention I got from the audience. I thought I sounded horrible but I went on anyway...no turning back.
I only knew that I was understood when they clapped after I said that "this is the first time I have the courage to speak in front of a large audience after I lost my tongue". And that was a good feeling......
So long.....
Sharifah
Something exciting for me came up 2 weeks ago when I received an email from Dr Vinod of the Mouth Cancer Foundation, UK. He invited me to share my cancer experience in a Mouth Cancer Symposium in Kuala Lumpur which would be attended by dentists and oral cancer researchers. After giving it a lot of thought, I agreed to do it for a number of reasons:
1. The lacking of awareness on the importance of patient support among the medical fraternity.
2. The lacking of awareness on the importance of informing the patients on the consequence of late diagnosis among dentists.
3. The importance of convincing the oral cancer patients to face this disease head on.
4. My personal selfish reason: to boost my confidence in speaking in front of an audience and make myself understood..
I spoke for about 25 minutes..and was stunned by the undivided attention I got from the audience. I thought I sounded horrible but I went on anyway...no turning back.
I only knew that I was understood when they clapped after I said that "this is the first time I have the courage to speak in front of a large audience after I lost my tongue". And that was a good feeling......
So long.....
Sharifah
Monday, September 13, 2010
Aspiring to Become a Novelist
Salam,
Many friends have suggested that I write a novel to educate the public on what I've been through. After giving it a lot of thoughts, I finally sat down and tried to write something. I'm proud to say that I've written about 60 pages of the it already. I still have a long way to go. But I hope to finish it one fine day and able to declare myself a novelist...hahaha... Please pray for that to happen, folks! I'd like to share a small but meaningful partof what I've written with you. Comments are greatly appreciated.
True to his words, Fahmi got there before 9.00 am. She was ready to go home for the weekend. Since there was no radiotherapy during weekends, the doctors agreed to let her go home. Fahmi took her bags and off they went. Penang General Hospital had always been busy with patients, nurses, doctors, visitors coming and going. The parking lots were almost always full. So, they had to make a long walk to the car because Fahmi had to park the car at the very end of the hospital compound. The children were so happy to see her, especially Shumael. Shumael was a bit shocked when he saw her because her chin and neck area looked slightly brownish because by then she already had 5 zaps of radiation. That night, she could not sleep. She could feel her phlegm filling her throat.
She had to get up at least twice to clear her throat of the phlegm. This was to be expected. The radiation had messed up the salivary gland which resulted in dry mouth. Her saliva became thick. She could not swallow the phlegm because it was so thick that it stuck to the throat like glue.
“Are you okay, love? Do you need anything?” She was coughing violently. Fahmi rubbed her back gently. God, she looked and felt so fragile that he was worried that he might hurt her. He could feel her back bone. Saffiya just nodded. He thought of the days when she was just out of the ICU. That was when the after effect of general anaesthesia started affecting her respiratory tract. There was a lot of phlegm and she was coughing and coughing trying to clear her throat but it was difficult because phlegm was too thick. So, the nurse had to suck the phlegm out using a suction machine. A straw like tube was inserted into the trachy hole through her throat into the trachea. And she would cough painfully until tears streamed down her cheeks. It was heart wrenching to watch. But it had to be done or she would not be able to breathe because the phlegm would block the windpipe.
But here, in their house, without the suction machine, the only way for her to get rid of it, was to use a piece of tissue wrapped around her forefinger and stick it into her mouth until it touched the phlegm. Then, she pulled out the tissue along with the phlegm that stuck to the tissue. This had become a nightly ritual for weeks and weeks after that. After her throat was clear, she took Fahmi's hand and kissed it and they held each other well into the night, wishing that morning would never come.
Many friends have suggested that I write a novel to educate the public on what I've been through. After giving it a lot of thoughts, I finally sat down and tried to write something. I'm proud to say that I've written about 60 pages of the it already. I still have a long way to go. But I hope to finish it one fine day and able to declare myself a novelist...hahaha... Please pray for that to happen, folks! I'd like to share a small but meaningful partof what I've written with you. Comments are greatly appreciated.
True to his words, Fahmi got there before 9.00 am. She was ready to go home for the weekend. Since there was no radiotherapy during weekends, the doctors agreed to let her go home. Fahmi took her bags and off they went. Penang General Hospital had always been busy with patients, nurses, doctors, visitors coming and going. The parking lots were almost always full. So, they had to make a long walk to the car because Fahmi had to park the car at the very end of the hospital compound. The children were so happy to see her, especially Shumael. Shumael was a bit shocked when he saw her because her chin and neck area looked slightly brownish because by then she already had 5 zaps of radiation. That night, she could not sleep. She could feel her phlegm filling her throat.
She had to get up at least twice to clear her throat of the phlegm. This was to be expected. The radiation had messed up the salivary gland which resulted in dry mouth. Her saliva became thick. She could not swallow the phlegm because it was so thick that it stuck to the throat like glue.
“Are you okay, love? Do you need anything?” She was coughing violently. Fahmi rubbed her back gently. God, she looked and felt so fragile that he was worried that he might hurt her. He could feel her back bone. Saffiya just nodded. He thought of the days when she was just out of the ICU. That was when the after effect of general anaesthesia started affecting her respiratory tract. There was a lot of phlegm and she was coughing and coughing trying to clear her throat but it was difficult because phlegm was too thick. So, the nurse had to suck the phlegm out using a suction machine. A straw like tube was inserted into the trachy hole through her throat into the trachea. And she would cough painfully until tears streamed down her cheeks. It was heart wrenching to watch. But it had to be done or she would not be able to breathe because the phlegm would block the windpipe.
But here, in their house, without the suction machine, the only way for her to get rid of it, was to use a piece of tissue wrapped around her forefinger and stick it into her mouth until it touched the phlegm. Then, she pulled out the tissue along with the phlegm that stuck to the tissue. This had become a nightly ritual for weeks and weeks after that. After her throat was clear, she took Fahmi's hand and kissed it and they held each other well into the night, wishing that morning would never come.
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