Living in the World of Cancer

Hello all,

March 19 marked one year of me in the World of Cancer. On that date last year, I was sitting on the dentist chair in the Hospital Sultan Abdul Halim, listening numbly to the oral surgeon telling me that the lump in my tongue was cancerous and I had to be referred to the ENT specialist. Then, the rest is history. On April 16, I will be celebrating my first anniversary for being tongueless. What an eventful year it was! And yet, I am still in one piece….Alhamdulillah…

Being in the World of Cancer, you don’t usually think in long term. You live by the day. Everyday is a blessing. Everyday is a gift. In my new world, people talk about 5 year survival. If you survive up to the fifth year, it is considered a huge success and definitely calls for a huge celebration. I still have a long way to go…I need to go through 4 more anniversaries to hit that 5 year mark. Another thing about being in this privileged world, when you meet your comrade for the first time, you don’t ask “How are you doing?” but rather “What type of cancer have you got?”. The next question would probably be “How long?”. Normally we recognize each other from their thinning hair or skinny body and if they are strangers to you, you just nod understandingly. It’s easier to recognize an oral cancer survivor because of the way they talk and the way they eat or drink. This is because of the slurring speech and when they eat they have to tilt their heads a bit so as to push the food to the throat. For a muslim breast cancer survivor, it’s a bit more difficult because they wear the head scarve (tudung).

Many people say that I am a very strong person for I don’t look sad or depressed. I haven’t changed much, they say. Whenever, they tell me a good joke I would laugh heartily. In short, they say that strangers would not be able to tell/guess what I have gone through. Am I worried? Am I sad? Of course I am. I am just human. But, I won’t let the worries and sadness consume me. Life goes on.

Well, you see, I have cancer. So what? That doesn’t stop the sun from rising and shining. People don’t quit their jobs because of that. The world still goes round. Nothing in the world would pause and wait for me. So, as long as I am still granted the ability to move around, laugh, eat, be understood, and use my mental faculties as well as before entering the cancer world, I have no reason to brood in self pity…..

Bye, for now.
Sharifah