Wednesday, October 03, 2012


Everytime I come across someone who is physically handicapped, such as a person with amputated leg, or blind, or deaf, I always ask myself; would I want to trade places with them? Am I more fortunate compared to them? At least, they can be still be sociable. When people see a blind person, they know what to expect, that is, this person can't see. Or this person has to depend on clutches or prosthesis to walk around. But, for people like me, who look just like any other normal people, strangers are bound to be surprised when you start talking. And what do they do when they are surprise? Yes, they stare at you. Wondering, what is wrong with this lady...because you sound funny. I was once asked by a stranger whether I had stroke when he heard me talking. The situation is even worse when there are children around you because children cannot hide what they feel. They would just scrutinize you in awe. And what if they see you eating through the PEG for the first time? They would not be able to take their eyes off you, rite? Well, pouring my food down in public is something that I haven't got the guts to do just yet..even now, after 3 years... Cheers!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Month Of Ramadhan

It is that time of the year again. The first day of Ramadhan. This is the fifth Ramadhan for me since I lost my tongue, alhamdulillah. My first was in 2008. I was still in the ward, with my maid of 6 years. My family, hbby and the kids (Abg, Hakim and Ismail) would come to the ward and break the fast with me about two or three times a week. They brought all kinds of delicacies to the hospital; laksa, cendol, chicken rice, and all. I just watched them from my hospital bed enjoying the food. For me, I had my ensure milk. I never thought before my ordeal that watching your loved ones enjoying their food could be that satisfying. And indeed I love watching them eat. When it was Ramadhan in 2009, I was back at home. Nope, I went for umrah and spent the first two weeks in the holy land. That was when I almost had gastric for going without food for too long. Since then, I’ve been taking great care when it comes to my food intake. In 2010, I started working again. I was back at school as a non-teaching teacher. That was the year when my first son, Abg, started a new chapter in his life, college life. He went to JMTI, Japan Malaysia Technical Institute. That was the first time for him to be away from home. Initially, it was a bit hard for me. However, since the college is just nearby, it was not that bad. He comes home every weekend and now he is home much more often. And now, today, the first day of Ramadhan for 2012, we are in Malacca, sending my second son, Hakim to UniKL Alor Gajah. He is going to study Chemical Engineering. I am writing this from our hotel room. Every body else is napping, and I suddenly visualise what is going to happen tomorrow, when we say goodbye to him. Tears just trickle down my cheeks. I’m not going to see his jovial face again every nite. I won’t be screaming at him again in the morning waking him up. I won’t have him massaging my feet again. I can just imagine how quiet our house is going to be. My son, is going to be on his own now. Abg Ngah, my prayers will always be with you. I can’t be with you now. I know you are capable of doing a lot of things in your life. I believe you will go far in life. Just don’t forget to pray and always remember that Allah always listens to our prayers. with love, Umie



Monday, July 02, 2012

Hey Listen Carefully When I'm Talking To You

I was having trouble with my internet connection a few weeks ago. So, I called up our service provider, the 100 number, that is the number for telekom malaysia to make a report. When the telecom guy answered, I tried my best to speak as clearly as possible to make the complain. Well, my son was around, however, I prefer to do it myself. After telling him what the problem was, he then asked me whether I was in the middle of my meal. Before I could say anything else, he just said, could you finish your lunch first, and call us back? And I said, no, I want to talk to you now!! And I couldn't be bothered to explain my situation......

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My First Day

It was in February 1978. My father drove me to SMS Tuanku Syed Putra, Kangar, Perlis. I was sad to leave my family for the very first time, worried, for not knowing what to expect staying in a boarding school, yet, excited to start a brand new life there. When we reached the school, my father and I walked into the school office and were greeted and warmly welcomed by the Penolong Kanan, Mr Othman Mat, who happened to be my dad's old friend. He briefed us on the school and then, he called one of the female prefects to help me settle. After a few minutes, a prefect who introduced herself as Jasimah appeared at the office. She greeted us smilingly and invited me to come with her. On the way to the hostel she told me that she was in Form 5. And I was in Form 4. I was taken to a dorm on second floor and unpacked my things and arranged them in the locker beside my bed. After getting myself settled sis Jasimah took to back to the office and then she left for her class. That was when I bid my father goodbye with tears rolling down my cheeks after kissing his hand. I stood there, trembling as I watched his car slowly moving away away towards the main gate... I was then taken to 4 Sc 1 by a very beautiful Pn Khatijah, the class teacher, who was also teaching Geography. She then introduced me to my new classmates. I still remember how I was welcomed by those friendly faces Jane, Jana, Khairul, Chempawan, Jas, Fauziah...who later became my close friends. Then I was taken to the text book store by our class monitor, Shukri. He helped me carry my textbooks back to class, much to the excitement of the whole class because it seemed that we looked perfect together as both of us walked into the class with my books. I was short and so was he....I heard that he is now well rounded...hahahah.... Thats what i was told later on by the girls. Well I suppose being in a boarding school, we tend to get excited over things, no matter how trivial it is....

Saturday, February 25, 2012

An Interesting Story

Just recently, I came across an enlightening story from this blog...still thinking. This is how the story goes:

Only One Move :: Awesome Short Story

A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" "This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.

Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.

He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened. "No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.

He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Al-Fatihah...Goodbye, My Beloved Grandma

My grandmother passed away at 8.20 am, 8 Feb 2012 after being bedridden for about four months at the age of 86. She was the woman who took care of my father after the death of her sister who was my father's mother. My real grandmother, that is, my father's real mother passed away when he was only 7 at a very young age. After that, my grandfather married the younger sister. So, as far as we are concerned, she was our grandmother.

She was a very healthy woman in her better days which spanned from birth up to four months ago. She very seldom got sick, not even having common cold like we often do. Never once was she warded, even during her childbirths which were 6 times. She was a very energetic lady. She would be the person calling the shots in almost every family events such as weddings, kenduri, or any other family gatherings.

Her cooking, yess, her masak lemak and gulai tempoyak is simply unparalled. What I remember most is her masak lemak cili api maman with ikan bilis...hmmmmm

Thursday, February 09, 2012


The best line of defense in a war within yourself in the battle of emotions is NOT TO CARE. When you succeed in finetuning your system into an "I COULDN'T CARE LESS" attitude, you have actually installed a strong solid shield against the feeling of helplessness when it comes to matters of the heart....